Wednesday

Everything feels the same, it just looks different..




The end of September marks my fifth month back on American soil and I honestly can't believe it. When I look back at where my life was a mirë 4 and 1/2 months ago it's insane where I am currently. Reflecting on my first two months in America I just flopped around like a fish out of water. I moved back in with my family, didn't have a vehicle to call my own, didn't have a job, opted out of getting a cell phone for a while, lived in other peoples clothes since I had left all my clothes in trashcans of hostels or at my apartment in Bajram Curri (trust me, there was no reason to carry these hole-ridden, stained clothes back), ate out everywhere I had been craving for years and basically became a recluse in my aunt's house for a month.

The thought of seeing my friends was overwhelming at first, some friends who I was extremely close with when I left I hadn't talked to since I left. My family was supportive but there was a lot I needed to get through myself.. like the pace of life speeding up about 100 mph and not being able to walk to the store when I forgot something or when I got to that store no one even looked up from their iPhone to acknowledge I existed.

Those things slowly changed, I financed a car (like a true American), got my hair cut off (I hadn't had a true hair style for almost three years), moved into my apartment, started grad school, met knew people, adjusted to not living under a microscope every time I leave my apartment. Unlike the lifestyle I had been living for 28 months meetings actually started when they were scheduled to start, I drank coffee alone in my car and not socially, also the coffees were 10 times bigger and I didn't nurse a 4 oz. Turkish coffee for an hour anymore, I didn't have to worry about unplugging my computer when it was supposed to storm in fear of a power outage, I got to sit on a seat to use the bathroom instead of squat over a whole in the floor.. I've gotten to go to weddings, celebrate my birthday at home and spend time with my family, a few things I missed a lot of while I was gone. I've gotten used to people having pets again and not treating dogs like garbage disposals or doing unmentionable things to liters of kittens. I got a Twitter. I now shamelessly use hashtags. I'm not kidding I did go through a technology learning curve when I got back. I was introduced to a mobile dating app but then rapidly deleted it, not there yet.

I remember having times in Albania where I felt like the day would never end because of lack of things to do but now I go to school from 8:00am to sometimes 10-11pm and never have a break. When something relevant comes up in conversation and I want to reference Albania I literally see peoples eyes glazing over which defers me from talking about my experiences at all. The friends that I survived Albania with have all moved back to their respective parts of America and have either started school, found a job or popped out babies (you know who you are). Although geographically none of us were that close to each other while in Albania, somehow everyone seems more spread out in the States than we ever did there. I feel like I'm walking around with loads of secrets and no one even knows to ask.. which is pretty cool. I also downloaded Snapchat.

I'm not sure I'll ever be fully readjusted though and I do see things differently now.. way differently. Places seem the same but look different, guess it's that whole lens thing. America is such an individualistic society and Albania is the perfect example of a collectivist society. I've lived in my apartment building now and met one of my neighbors and it was a "Hey, how are ya?" passing conversation. I knew every single person in my 4 story building in Bajram Curri within weeks and had been invited into every families home, and this wasn't just because I was a foreigner but because people actually took time to sit down and visit, drink coffees together, watching those dreaded wedding tapes together. I miss that aspect of Albania the most and hope I can somehow keep it as a part of my way of living for the rest of my life. 

I miss my older friends I made because they don't have any interest in the Internet. I also found out my Peace Corps counterpart and dear friend will be moving to America and I can't wait to visit him here. I miss eating every other dinner with Garrett and Eric and having to get super creative about menus and the nights we pulled out stuff we got from care packages. I still can't bring myself to changing my Facebook location from Bajram Curri, Albania. Maybe I never will. I'm also permanently representing Tropoja on my newly financed vehicle. I miss furgon drivers taking me places. Driving places is annoying because you can't sleep the entire way there.

I am continuing my ties with the Peace Corps though. We have a major Capstone project due right before graduation and I'm teaming up with the North Carolina Peace Corps Association to do a website revamping and branding redesign which I'm pretty excited about. Hopefully I can find a community by working with them of RPCVs. Here's some of the work I've done so far in my program: HTML website, Photo/Audio Story. I find out next week what country I'll be going to for a week in January to shoot a project then come back and edit it. 

Eric is currently doing an amazing project with his final Live Theater Blog and has already raised almost $5000 for the Mobile Library in Bajram Curri. If you get a chance to check it out, here's the link, 7:00pm EST this Sunday. If you're feeling really generous, here's the link to donate to the Mobile Library! It's been a great thing for me to see him still doing it because it feels like we're helping a place we called home for over two years from America.



“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” - Terry Prachett


If you're feeling really generous, here's the link to donate to the Mobile Library!